Mom...he's just beautiful

Life is great! Milo is at Grandma's, Makay is sleeping, I am watching the episode of "The Office" that we missed last week, and updating the blog. I have a bunch of random things in my head, so I'll try to keep them organized it isn't overwhelming to decode my thought patterns. (blame it on the hormones)

1. My heart is empty and full at the same time. Wierd, I know, but this is how it is. On the Empty side; I miss the idea that we are going to have a baby. I miss the ability to pull the pregnancy card to get sympathy.(pathetic, but I have to admit it. I used it mostly with Milo) I miss the doctor. I miss the nurses. I would love to relive the moment when the nurse runs to get the doctor. I miss having Josh all to myself in the hospital. I miss the night care that fed Makay and brought him to me in the morning when I was awake and ready to be a mom. What strange feelings to have after I have just had a sweet little baby. I have concluded these feelings have come for 3 reasons. The first being; that this is the most peace and relaxation that I have had since I had Milo. The second and embarrasing reason is, I have to admit that I miss having everything revolve around me for that small moment in my life. Mom's don't get that very often. The third reason is that having babies is not something that you do every day and it is such an exciting time of life.

On the full side of my heart; I love, more than words can explain, how wonderful it is to have a newborn baby come to live with us. I love his breath. I love the way he looks for food when he's hungry. I love the way he flops over my hand when I pick him up to burp him. I love how he grasps my finger when I brush past his hand. I love washing his hair and watching him enjoy every second of it. I love the miracle that he somehow fit inside my belly despite how huge he is. I love that the second I saw him and talked to him, I knew he belonged with us and wouldn't trade the last 9 months for anything.

2. Milo is the man. He is such a good big brother. He wanted to play catch with Makay the second we got home. He was elated when he got to show the baby the "little" diapers that we bought him. He showed him how matchbox cars work. He couldn't wait to watch his favorite movie with Makay. He is very careful to not feed Makay anything because he doesn't have any teeth yet. He is a little bossy, but that isn't new, he has always been bossy. He has slept in his own bed all of the nights we have been home. He is really good about keeping the germs off his hands so we don't get sick. I was a little nervous in the hospital because Milo didn't want anything to do with us, but on the way home as we drove down our street, he said..."My baby comed out?" And ever since he has been pretty excited about his roll as the big brother.

3. Last night was one of those nights where you wish time could stand still. We were all in the family room (rare at our house because usually Josh is working on homework in the office) with the TV off. and he took the sleeping baby from me, and snuggled right in on the couch with Makay sleeping on his chest. I started to put on Milo's Jammie's and he was watching his new baby and said "Mom, he's just beautiful" in the sweetest voice that I have ever heard. I picked him up to get him changed and he collapsed on my lap. He was so comfortable, so I just changed his diaper and put on his sweats. He put his head on my chest and quickly fell asleep. I realized how much I missed snuggling him. We haven't been able to snuggle like that since I started getting too big for him to fit on my lap. The best part is that we were all there, together, in the quiet of our home and I loved every second of it.

4. Heidi, you were right. Milo seems huge. I have always seen and heard him as a big boy, but when I hold him, he feels like a 5 year old. I kept looking down to see if I was actually holding Abram.

5. I cry more now than I did when I was pregnant. So if you are around when the tears start flowing, don't worry... it's not post-partum, I'm just really emotional.

6. To all you pregnant readers out there, I want to remind you that as sad as it is to watch the scale creep up slowly, it is even that much more exciting when you check into the hospital and come out 15 pounds lighter...no lipo or gastric bypass necessary.

7. I have to say I have the greatest husband! He has taken care of me since the day we found out I was expecting, and always put his needs after mine. He was so patient with me and usually let me take back any nasty comments that were made in his direction. He has been Milo's best friend and always has energy for him when he gets home from his 72 hour work/school week. I don't know how he does it.

Thank you for letting me ramble, it is nice to be back online. Now if I could figure out how to hold a baby and type simultaneously. Maybe it's time for the Baby Bjorn.